Welcome to my blog!

Hello and welcome to my blog!  I am the proud mom of three daughters; one of whom is 23 and has severe special needs.  This blog is my way of documenting the struggles and joys of raising Hannah, the only one of the three I gave birth to. The past year has been transformational for me and I've come to a point where I have a strong need to document my experiences raising her with the hope I can help someone else going through the same thing.  When I have someone give me credit for parenting Hannah I always say the same thing: parenting any child is tough, I just have different challenges than parents of neurotypical children. Every parent needs to know they are not alone.  This is my way of doing that.  To anyone reading this, you are not alone and you've got this!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Why won't she give me a moments peace???

Frustration.  It's real and it's something I deal with most days but I've learned how to handle it.  Some days I do a better job at handling it than others.  Here's the issue: Hannah can't effectively communicate and she is autistic so she perseverates on things and it can make me feel like I'm going out of my mind.  Perseveration is when she gets stuck on an idea or topic and can't be distracted away from it.  It's the equivalent of a verbal child asking the same thing over and over and over again.  You give an answer and 5 minutes later they ask the same thing as if you never addressed them.  It's frustrating on a good day but after a long, tiring day it's too much to bear.   And Hannah is relentless.  She doesn't give up and tire easily or quickly. In order to communicate, Hannah points to things, using some sign language, has a few vocalizations and words, and has an iPad that has an app on it called Prologo2go.  It is an additional way f
Read more

It's my fault

With the grief that accompanied the realization Hannah was not going to be who I imagined came the guilt.  The guilt that I was grieving to begin with because I didn't feel I had that right since she was very much alive. The guilt that I must have done something wrong when I was pregnant to make her this way.  The guilt that I wasn't a good enough mother; I wasn't patient enough, I couldn't calm her down, I didn't anticipate her meltdowns and prevent them before they happened.  And on and on and on. It's exhausting when I think about it.  I was consumed with worry, grief, and guilt.  The guilt that I must have done something wrong was like a black cloud constantly hanging over my head. I was solely responsible for taking care of and nurturing this little girl from conception until birth so it must be my fault that she has these struggles, right?  I ate well, didn't drink alcohol, didn't smoke, even drank bottled water because I was concerned about the ta
Read more

"She's never going to be normal"

When I was pregnant, I worked as a lab tech and was basically living by myself in southern New Jersey  because my husband, at the time, had graduated law school and was working as a courthouse intern in CT.  He was gone all week and would usually come home weekends.  After getting home from work, I had plenty of time to ponder what it would be like when my baby girl arrived.  I'd sit in my glider for hours, rubbing my stomach, listening to music, and talking to her.  I imagined her learning to walk and how I'd feel when I heard her say "mama" for the first time.  I thought about her going to school and all the friends she would make.  I imagined her graduating from high school, going to college, getting a job, and having a family.  I may even have grandkids!  It was so exciting to think about.  I allowed my imagination to run wild because why not?  That all came crashing down when, on the second visit to the pediatric neurologist when Hannah was one year old, I was gi
Read more